Then We Both Reached For the Gun
by Jokester666
Summary: The curtains rose, the audience gasped, horrified. “Ladies and Gentlemen, the Joker and the press conference rag! Notice how his mouth never moves… Almost!” Joker Drabble.


-1Hey guys. I have brought to life a little, but rather long drabble. Actually the only thing that makes it extraordinarily longer then most of my works is the lyrics, which are off of the Musical Chicago. I have based it off the movie version with Katharine Zeta-Jones. I actually thought it would be rather amusing to see the Joker doing a stage performance to the song and dance number in the movie. And so I spent all afternoon typing this up. Part of the lyrics have changed for Gotham City, and I have used the names above the lyrics to make it less confusing as to who is singing them.

Enjoy and tell me if the afternoon was wasted or not!

Jokester

THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN

Hearing the saucy jazz tones from inside a darkened building, the Joker perked up. Music drew crowds, and he loved crowds. Mayhem bloomed in abundance when more people were present, and recently gatherings were few and far between. Since his imminent breakout from Arkham last week, he hadn't made a big performance. Less explosions, less people, and Batman hadn't come out to play yet. It was truly disheartening for the painted clown. Ringing the goons he had hired recently, the Joker ordered them to meet him at the theatre in Gotham's south side. The back door was propped open and the music swelled and soared out to anyone waiting in the back alleyway. A little blonde bit of a thing was smiling at him from a promotional poster tacked to the inside of the door, typed in obnoxiously large letter was the title of the musical; Chicago.

A gleam came to his eye, what a horror it would be for the citizens of Gotham if the Clown Prince of Crime were to make an appearance as the star of the show. Taking out a thick red marker (though he would have preferred blood) the Joker scrawled a leering Glasgow grin onto the girl's photographic face. It was time to become Billy Flynn. The plan was already forming in his mind, actually it was more or less the looks on the audiences face. Horror, fear, screams of terror. And he would relish all of it. A slamming door alerted him to the arrival of his men. Their gruesome clown masks were in place and with firearms in their hands, they entered before the Joker, removing every production crew member in sight and placing themselves in place of the fallen hands.

Slipping in backstage, the Joker was quite pleased to see how fast his new recruits got to work. The stage manager was tied up, and the woman's eyes were wide and fearful. Taking the clipboard from the ground beside her, he held the gun to her head, and she closed her eyes, silent sobs tearing through her body. He whispered, "BANG!" and let out a giggle as she jumped. Straightening his body upright, he glanced over the stage notes, pleased to see that the next act was the song and dance number for "They Both Reached for the Gun."

He gestured to one of the men, and quickly muttered his plan. The curtains would go down, they would take the dancers for that number hostage, and then tie them up like puppets. The Joker himself would play Billy Flint, and the hot honey playing Roxie Hart was going to be all painted up. Dead.

"Look for a track will ya? With them all duck taped up," he gestured to the dancers, who having come out of the change room wearing old fashioned reporters' suits, had been captured and duck taped up. The Joker continued, "We're going to need some vocals."

Leaving the man in charge, he pointed at one of the younger guys, "Go to my SUV and get out those extra clown masks in the back. Cover them up." He nodded to the cowering men and continued on to commanding others of his motley crew to make sure all the doors were barred, and that no one escaped.

The blond beauty coming off stage looked shocked and was about to turn and flee to the spotlight once more, when she was grabbed and brought before the Joker. He looked at her with the most malicious intent possible. "Hey doll, wanna go backstage and get you all dressed up for your big performance?"

She simply shook and he impatiently grabbed her arm and lead her off to her dressing room. Slamming the door, he thrust the crying girl into a chair, and threw her the baby blue doll dress. The actress caught it and looked at him fearfully. Gesturing for her to put it on, he searched his pockets for the camera, giving the woman little privacy. She hurriedly shimmed out of one dress and into the child like one.

"Now sit like the good little girl I know you are, while Daddy does your makeup." The Joker said pushing the dress to the side as a new idea came to him. She was supposed to act like a puppet right? Well what better to have a puppet, then a living person. The performance in total was only about five minutes long, and a corpse froze up in about an hour or so. He honestly didn't remember, but what did it matter? Gotham wanted a show, and he was going to give it.

White face paint was soon slathered generously over her entire face, and smeared black was roughly painted about her eyes in wide round circles. The last to go on was the red grin.

Carefully dipping his two fingers into the pot of drippy red guck, he drew the smile onto her quivering lips and up her cheeks. Silent tears rained down her cheeks making the black drip into the white, and he pouted, smudging the two together to make a grey haze in between the distinct black and white.

"My oh my, you are a beauty now!" The Joker laughed and licked his lips. Taking a wide brush he added the mannequin blush, and then a large blue bow to her hair. It was like dressing up a doll, and boy he was having fun. It would really be too bad when the whole thing was over.

Dragging her out of the chair, he harshly muttered to her to quit her sobbing and deal, the rest of Gotham did. Sniffling, she went to wipe at her face with the back of her hand, and he slapped her hand down, with enough force to send her into fresh tears. He would smack her but for the makeup adorning her face.

Pulling a small video camera out of his pocket, he gave it to the next masked man he saw, instructing that it better look damn good, he only wanted to do the performance once.

Once the curtains were down he pulled her onto stage and once settled into the wooden chair into his lap. The actress struggled against his grip now, and tiring of her, he slid a syringe out of his pocket and stabbed her. It was a drug to make her dizzy, incoherent and without the means to shout and be the fly in his plan.

!!

The audience waited in silence for the introduction to the next song. It came moments later.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, The Joker and the press conference rag! Notice how his mouth never movie…almost!"

The curtain raised on the most unusual scene ever to be seen in theatre. Members of the crowd gasped, a woman screamed, others tried to leave only to find the doors were locked and guarded by tall bulky men in leering clown masks. Still the music commenced and the Joker's grating voice cut through after the reporters' previously recorded notes.

**  
REPORTERS  
Where'd you come from?**

JOKER(as Roxie)  
Gotham City  
**  
REPORTERS  
And your parents?**

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Very wealthy.

**REPORTERS  
Where are they now?**

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Six feet under.

He was inner giggling over the last line, oh yes, his parents were most definitely six feet under.

**JOKER  
But she was granted one more start**

JOKER (as Roxie)  
The convent of The Sacred Heart!

REPORTERS  
When'd you get here?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
2020

Okay so he had changed it up a bit, but Gotham City wasn't where this thing had gone down either.

**REPORTERS  
How old were you?**

JOKER(as Roxie)  
Don't remember

Most true, he never remembered his age. For all the Joker knew, he could be well into his thirties. The only dates that really marked themselves deep in his labyrinth mind was the disasters he caused.

**REPORTERS  
Then what happened?**

JOKER (as Roxie)  
I met Amos  
And he stole my heart away  
Convinced me to elope one day

MARY SUNSHINE (spoken)  
Oh you poor dear I cant believe what you have been through A convent girl! A run-away marriage!  
Now tell us Roxie...

MARY SUNSHINE  
Who's Fred Casely?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
My ex-boyfriend.

REPORTERS  
Why'd you shoot him?

JOKER(as Roxie)  
I was leavin'.

**REPORTERS  
Was he angry?**

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Like a madman  
Still I said, "Fred, move along."

JOKER  
She knew that she was doing wrong.

****

REPORTERS  
Then describe it.

JOKER (as Roxie)  
He came toward me.

REPORTERS  
With the pistol?

A knife would have been much better, he thought as the Joker puppeteer the girl's arms.****

JOKER (as Roxie)  
From my bureau.

REPORTERS  
Did you fight him?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Like a tiger.

Now her arms weakly created fists and he shifted her elbows into a fake looking fight position.****

JOKER  
He had strength and she had none.

Oh yes, the girl had no strength, and he loved the helplessness she was feeling under the stage lights.****

JOKER (as Roxie)  
And yet we both reached for the gun  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both  
Oh yes we both  
Oh yes, we both reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
Oh yes, we both reached for the gun  
For the gun.

REPORTERS  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,  
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun  
for the gun.

JOKER  
Understandable, understandable  
Yes it's perfectly understandable  
Comprehensible, Comprehensible  
Not a bit reprehensible  
It's so defensible

REPORTERS  
How're you feeling?

This he whispered into her ear, and let the music track take over his part.****

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Very frightened

She shuddered in his arms.****

REPORTERS  
Are you sorry?

ROXIE  
Are you kidding?

REPORTERS  
What's your statement?

JOKER(as Roxie)  
All I'd say is  
Though my choo-choo jumped the track  
I'd give my life to bring him back

REPORTERS  
And?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Stay away from...

REPORTERS  
What?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Jazz and liquor...

REPORTERS  
And?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
And the men who...

REPORTERS  
What?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Play for fun...

REPORTERS  
And what?

JOKER (as Roxie)  
That's the thought that...

REPORTERS  
Yeah

JOKER (as Roxie)  
Came upon me...

REPORTERS  
When?

JOKER  
When we both reached for the gun!

The Joker stood up with a grand wave of his hands, letting the girl fall to the floor without a care.****

MARY SUNSHINE  
Understandable, understandable

JOKER AND MARY SUNSHINE  
Yes, it's perfectly understandable  
Comprehensible, comprehensible  
Not a bit reprehensible  
It's so defensible!

Now he was prancing around with the terrified form of a woman playing Miss Sunshine. She was braver then the blond who acted out Roxie Hart, but the fear still flickered in her eyes.

**  
REPORTERS  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for**

JOKER (spoken)  
Let me hear it!

REPORTERS  
The gun, the gun, the gun,  
The gun  
Oh yes, they both reached  
For the gun

JOKER (spoken)  
A little louder!

REPORTERS  
For the Gun.  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached  
For the gun, the gun,

JOKER (spoken)  
Now you got it!

REPORTERS  
The gun, the gun  
Oh yes. They both reached  
For the gun  
For the gun.

JOKER AND REPORTERS  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun  
For the gun.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, reached for  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

JOKER  
Both reached for the...gun

REPORTERS  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun  
The gun, the gun, Both reached for the gun.

Now the music closed, and he let out his hyena laugh. "Have a nice day folks, not that you are ever going to live to see it! After all, I am a man of my word."

Leaving the theatre, he nodded to 'his' stage manager and picked up the camera from the kid. Through out the number, his men had been stripping Gotham's citizens of their wealth, with the large bags of money and jewellery now residing in his SUV.

"Go make sure they've called the cops. ALL OF YOU!" The Joker barked, waving his gun about. Tonight had been fun and now the best part of the show was about to begin. Now that all his goons were in the building, it was time to blow it sky high.

Locking the door after his goons, the Joker sat in his vehicle and drove off, meanwhile pulling out a handmade detonator. Once safely away from the terror filled building, he brought out the camera and trained it on the building while he eagerly pressed the buttons. The whole thing went up in flames and debris rained down from the sky. There was one last thing he had to do. The poster he had so carefully adorned with it's Glasgow grin was unfolded and left on the street as a warning to Gotham.

The Joker had made his comeback, with theatrics as promised.

After all he was a man of his word.


End file.
